Written By Cristina DiMeglio
Hello Friends! I have been thinking a lot lately on the idea of free will and wondering, do we really have it?
More and more I am coming across literature that speaks to the idea of forming relationships with our “shadow” selves in order to integrate and alchemize (heal). I realize that might read like gibberish to some, so please bear with me as I analyze it with you.
Do you remember doing truth tables in high school? You know, A + B = C? This was a logic formula. Well, we create our reality (A), and if our reality is based on our created perspective (B), then surely we must integrate all parts of the self in order to fully alchemize and therefore manifest our current reality (C).
Still, what does this mean?
We are like mini walking and talking computers. We have this software we downloaded when we were children, but that software has gone through periodic upgrades; you know, to get the bugs out. But sometimes, instead of downloading an upgrade, we come across a virus and it totally messes up our operating system. Consider the virus a negative belief, or held anger and grudges, or over-compensation of some personality trait in order to gauge control (aka “fake it until you make it”).
These viruses get into our system and subconsciously dictate our actions, unbeknownst to us at times. Even the most self-aware individuals can fall prey, as the viruses so easily copy our voice and run amok disguised.
For example, I had a core belief that said, “I am Invisible.” I honestly believed that no matter the circumstance, I was invisible. I acquired this belief as a child, and since that time my cells have multiplied and renewed themselves. So here I am, an adult with all new cells, still acquiescing to this “virus” of I am invisible.
How you may wonder?
Well, I chose occupations that allowed me to remain small and invisible, I chose partners romantically that treated me as if I were invisible and in my family life I preferred to keep the peace and not let my voice be heard. I chose to play it small and BE invisible. It’s so subtle yet so profound how I can point to that one particular belief, and realize how my actions were driven by it. Of course I was not aware of this belief at the time, but now I am and this makes me more powerful.
The thing is, we all have beliefs like this, with some running the show without us being aware of it. So I pose the same question to you I have to keep asking myself, has my free will been jeopardized?
If I have not done the necessary work to further deepen my knowledge of myself, cultivate compassion and understanding while fostering a relationship with all my individual “shadow” parts, how exactly have my choices REALLY been made from a place of power?
From a place of deep knowing and surrender?
From a place of absolute FREE WILL?
Naturally this makes me want to take my shovel out and start digging.
I begin to go through the file tabs in my mind and pick out situations in which I have had to make big or difficult decisions and I wonder. Was I making that decision from a place of freedom or was it subject to programming (childhood conditioning)? Yeah, this can get PRETTY INTENSE. However, here is another tidbit I have learned: You cannot force anything. Yet you have to be willing to be really uncomfortable and lean into it slowly, gradually, in order to make any sort of headway into your own freedom and peace. There is no other solution.
NO ONE has the ability to give you your truth, or make your decisions for you.
Those of you looking for your fairy godmother will be greatly disappointed to find out that she too is an innate character in your personal makeup and not some magical oracle outside of yourself. Again, the finger points inward. Where can you dig your heels in? I guarantee the place you so desperately DO NOT want to confront/analyze/question, is exactly where you should start.
You can do this on your own, or surround yourself with people who can more clearly see your blind spots. Trusted people who will sit beside you so you’re not alone. Then create a sacred space and trust the process. It’s worth the price of true freedom.
Sending you all so much love on this transformative journey!