#213- Journey of Attachment: Closure Is An Illusion
When a relationship ends, people say they want “closure,” but what does that even mean? What specifically are they looking for? They THINK they emotionally let go, but they still hang on to the hope of some kind of resolution. Unfortunately there’s no such thing as closure, and the need for it comes from a state of attachment. No one owes you anything. And even if you do get what you feel you’re entitled to, it won’t truly make you feel better because what you’re looking for can’t come from another person.
Those who seek closure are really after validation. They want to know the relationship was worthwhile. They want to be recognized for how wonderful they are, and for how much they gave. Often their emotions weren’t taken care of in the relationship, so they seek that after the breakup, thinking it will magically happen; like their ex will finally see the light. Closure doesn’t solve any of this, and the pursuit of validation doesn’t end until you give yourself what you’re looking for. Pay attention to your feelings. What do you really need? What are you asking of another person (in words or actions) that you don’t give to yourself? Instead of blaming your ex and needing something from him/her, feel those feelings of having let yourself down. Realize your anger is toward YOU, not them. Thinking someone owes you is a powerless position; you can’t force people to do anything. And if it’s closure you’re seeking, you will never get it from someone else because what you truly need can only come from yourself.
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