#216- Blame and Half Apologies
The word “sorry” is thrown around a lot in our culture, and you may think simply saying it absolves you of wrongdoing. But what about those of us who include a disclaimer after our apologies? I’m sorry, BUT… (I was provoked, you pushed my buttons, you were out of line, etc.). Is that a sincere apology? When you say you’re sorry while placing blame on someone else, that’s a half apology. It means you’re not taking full responsibility, which doesn’t feel very good.
Maybe you’re invited out to dinner with friends, but you show up late. Upon arrival you apologize, but say someone should’ve picked a restaurant that was more convenient. Instead of owning your part of not planning well, you blame someone else. Or you get mad at someone for what they say and do not look at how you participated in creating the problem. Instead you say it’s all their fault, but is it? Perhaps you apologize for what you said about this person to others, but still feel they are to blame. You may make these half apologies for fear of being wrong or appearing weak. You want to look like the bigger person and feel you’re doing the right thing, but it’s a place of false power. Blaming of any sort puts you in victimhood. Even if you take some of the responsibility, if you don’t own your part from beginning to end, you miss out on a great opportunity to be empowered.
Folks, it’s ok to mess up! We’re all human. The next time you’re tempted to put an asterisk after your apology, ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Is it fear of rejection? Losing status? Not being perfect? Appearing flakey? Not being the “winner”? By not taking responsibility for your actions, do you think you’re preventing those fears from happening? You can’t control what someone does or how they see you. The bottom line is half apologies are inauthentic. It’s a form of hiding and you’ll keep doing it until you start owning your apologies fully, without blame.
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