#286- If I Could Just Fix This One Thing…
If she wasn’t such a control freak, everything would be fine. When he finally leaves his wife we’ll be happy. If he/she would just commit a little more, everything would be perfect. How often does “happily ever after” hinge on that ONE thing? You hold on for it to change because why throw away a good relationship just because of something that’s fixable, or may resolve itself over time?
The problem with hanging on for that “one thing” to change is you are not seeing the big picture. You’re using it as an excuse because even if it did change, you would probably find a different problem to focus on. It’s easier to point at one issue because then you don’t have to address the real reason you’re choosing to stay. When you fixate on a problem or make excuses for it, hoping it will cease to be an issue, you are settling for an unfulfilling relationship.
Instead of focusing on that one problem, look at your relationship as a whole. Take responsibility for where you are and why you’re settling for semi-functional. Complaining keeps you in victimhood where all of the responsibility for change lies with the other person. Where is the power in that? The next time you find yourself saying, “When X finally happens, everything will be great,” stop yourself and feel what’s going on in your body. Do you feel a disconnect between what you say and what you feel? Why are you saying you’re ok with the current situation when you’re not? What are you unwilling to accept? Solving situational problems is not the answer. Get deeper and start having authentic conversations with your partner about how you feel and what you want.
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