#291- Journey of Attachment: I Was Raised By Wolves
I was raised by parents with no self-awareness and very dogmatic rules. This resulted in a lot of insecure feelings, but of course I didn’t know that’s where they came from. If you were also raised by wolves (used facetiously, of course) your emotional needs were probably not met. This may have led to you believing something was wrong with you, as if you had some fatal flaw. But guess what? NOTHING is wrong with you. You are the product of emotionally unavailable caregivers, growing up with a bad example of what love is and how to get it. As a kid you weren’t able to see your parents as flawed, but now you can.
If one of your parents used to say, “You’re not very likable so hold onto anyone who thinks you are,” that is absolutely going to affect your relationships. Those words play over and over in your subconscious so you do everything you can to be loved… jumping through hoops, people-pleasing, over-performing, etc. If love and attention weren’t given without strings attached when you were young, how can you believe you are deserving as an adult simply for breathing?
Holding onto anger and blame toward your parents will keep you stuck in attachment. Understand this—their behavior had nothing to do with you. It was a product of how they were raised. You can’t change your past but you CAN re-frame it, leading to healthier relationships. You have a choice: be a prisoner of your childhood or take your power back and learn to give yourself what you weren’t given as a kid.
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