First, let’s look at secure attachment, which is emotional availability. It’s being supportive, feeling safe inside and able to see a relationship as imperfect, not the answer to your inner pain. It stems from healthy attachment to your parents as a child, with them meeting your emotional and social development needs.
Insecure attachment starts with a lack of trust as a child that you would be taken care of emotionally, and you carry that into your adult relationships. This leads to a distrust of your feelings, the intentions of others, your value and the seeking of safety. Unfortunately what feels “safe” is not true safety, but rather the comfort zone of what you know (thanks, subconscious!). In romantic relationships this can show up as a lack of emotional intimacy (which feels unsafe), the creation of checkboxes for the “perfect mate” (which keeps you single), becoming needy (which pushes the other person away), etc. In work it can manifest as being unhappy in your current job (or lack thereof), but not taking steps to change it because the unknown is so scary. Safe and miserable trumps uncertainty EVEN if it can lead to better things… so you stay stuck.
These situations often leave you in a state of anxiety because everything inside and out feels so out of control. Nothing is safe, so autopilot takes you back to what you felt as a child when you were vulnerable, and you bring forth those feelings as an adult. Insecure attachment has many layers and infiltrates more areas of your life than you’re likely aware of. I help peel back those elusive layers, working with your subconscious to illuminate what’s been hidden emotionally to get at the root of your attachment.
For more about insecure attachment, listen to my Journey of Attachment podcast series. There is a LOT to dig into!