#499 – Journey Of Attachment: I Punish My Mate For Doing Nothing Wrong
Your partner is too short, likes you too much, has a job you don’t like or breathes too loudly. You hear the voices of other people in your head judging them, even if those people never say anything to you. You worry about your mate not measuring up, but this judgment is really your own self-judgment, stemming from a state of lack. You don’t feel you deserve someone who cares about you, but instead of dealing with those deeper feelings, you punish them.
You’re like a porcupine, bristling and irritated for no reason (what did they do?!). The drama you create is triggered by your unconscious, causing you to withdraw and create distance. You’re stuck and frustrated, but also afraid your punishment might push them away. It’s an anxious dance. If you notice yourself doing this, ask yourself why you are choosing to be in a relationship with this person. Have they really done something horrible, or is it your own feeling of not being good enough?
When you punish others, you are also punishing yourself and causing misery for the both of you. In this episode, learn how to check in with yourself when the anger or irritation bubbles up, then look inside to question where it comes from. The more you can connect with what’s really going on and own it, the less compelled you’ll feel to punish someone for simply being human.
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