#522 – Journey Of Attachment: But I’m Too Much!
I used to dim my light in relationships, believing I was too much: too strong, too masculine, too overbearing, too intimidating. It all went back to childhood, as these negative beliefs usually do. Instead of being myself, I tried to exude who I thought I needed to be. Not too much, not too little… jussssst right. Like Goldilocks. What an exhausting dance, not to mention inauthentic. Even with all that effort, I never did feel like I could get it right. But the point isn’t to get it “right.” The point is to connect with someone who thinks you are awesome exactly as you are. Your perceived flaws or “too muchness” is what someone else will be drawn to.
Overcompensating for what you fear is too much (or even too little) stems from a fear of rejection. And it’s old. If your mom or dad used to say, “No one will like you if you do X,” or “You’re too much—who will ever be able to handle that?” it sticks with you. It can erode your sense of value so you start to believe that who you are is unlovable. But walking on eggshells does not equal true love. It is a barrier to intimacy and connection. So how do you live into your true self? That’s the topic of this week’s episode where I’ll challenge you to look at what you hold back from doing or saying. Once you identify where you aren’t being your authentic self, you can work on accepting those parts of yourself. Then, instead of contorting yourself into a not-too-much/not-too-little mold, you’ll let your light shine brightly and attract someone who falls in love with THAT!
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