#390- Why Should I Share My Feelings When it Changes Nothing?
Do people ever do things that annoy you, but you keep it to yourself because you know they won’t change their behavior? Or have you broken up with someone out of anger and regretted it later? Maybe you want to express your regret, but figure your ex has probably moved on… so what’s the point? It all seems like a waste of effort. The thing is, sharing your feelings has nothing to do with changing the other person. It’s about changing you.
Speaking your truth sends a message to yourself and others that your feelings matter; that YOU matter. This is particularly important if you spent your childhood disowning your feelings, believing they had no value. It’s not about getting someone else to change—you have no control over that. It’s about honoring what exists inside you and being vulnerable enough to share it. Each time you express your feelings without any expectation attached to it, you grow your love for yourself. And when you do that, you’re able to love more openly and unconditionally with others. Stop talking yourself out of expressing yourself. It matters.
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Tracy, I so love your work and thank you for helping and healing me. I recently shared my feelings a year later to a man I was FWB with or so I THOUGHT! I was visiting him at his home for the weekend and he got upset with me and his reaction was disproportionate to what occurred. I wanted to go back to his house after an hour of walking his dog and he wanted to continue walking the dog. He cut the walk short and as we entered his home he began to tell me how I use him only for sex only want him for sex and then imploded on me about our relationship. It was a lot to process and I never saw this coming and he kept going on about me using and this is why he’ll stay single etc so I decided I needed to leave and sort through this due to I couldn’t at the time he repeatedly told me if I leave we are done over and over. I left and as I left he began to personally attack my character. Fast forward as I read listen reflect and grow I decided to reach out to him a year later to share my feelings on the situation that happened between us. However at first I played it safe just a casual hi just hoping all is well on your end. He responded immediately with I’m good how are etc he then said he missed me and would love to visit and take me to dinner. Then I got real and told him how I felt about that night. As I texted this to him I was extremely uncomfortable due to I was being very vulnerable and exposing my truth. I did with grace and came from love vs fear. Experiencing this was amazing! Two days later I felt at peace calm warm and light! I never got a response to what I explained and expressed to him and a few months ago that would have bothered me tremendously however now I feel free! Proud of me! Thank you