Posts by Shelley
#268- Attaching to Outcomes and Goal-Setting are Different
#268- Attaching to Outcomes and Goal-Setting are Different People hear, “Don’t attach to outcomes” and think that means they can’t have goals. Not true. As with most things in life, it’s not that black and white. Setting goals is important to move you in the direction you want to go, but they need to be…
Read MoreSurviving to Thriving: Dr. Margaret Paul
Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment Dr. Margaret Paul Welcome back to my video interview series, “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment,” where I interview people about an emotional low point in their life and how they worked through it. In this episode I’m talking with Dr. Margaret Paul, a bestselling author,…
Read More#267- Journey of Attachment: You Say You Want a Relationship, But…
#267- Journey of Attachment: You Say You Want a Relationship, But… If you romanticize other peoples’ relationships, not understanding why you can’t meet anyone, you have to look at where you’re unwilling to take emotional risks. It can feel hard to find what you see as an impossible ideal reflected in what other people have.…
Read More#266- Shameful Secrets Kill Everything
#266- Shameful Secrets Kill Everything Secrets don’t protect you from loss or being rejected—they alienate you. The keep you from being emotionally present and available. A secret is a lie you tell over and over again with each new person or situation, reinforcing it each time. It’s a specific form of hiding that causes shame,…
Read More#265- Journey of Attachment: Negative Feelings Don’t Mean You’ve Chosen the Wrong Partner
#265- Journey of Attachment: Negative Feelings Don’t Mean You’ve Chosen the Wrong Partner When looking for the “perfect partner,” it’s easy to get caught up in those ooey-gooey feelings, thinking they are an indication of compatibility. On the flip side, if you feel negatively, you might take that as a sign your “potential” partner is…
Read More#264- The Drama Triangle. Psst—You’re Probably On It
#264- The Drama Triangle. Psst—You’re Probably On It Our culture is obsessed with the Drama Triangle. We watch it play out like a train wreck on reality TV, sad love songs, movie climaxes, gossip magazines and in the lives of people we know. The concept of the Drama Triangle was introduced in the early 70s…
Read More#263- Journey of Attachment: Flying Under The Radar and Playing Small
#263- Journey of Attachment: Flying Under The Radar and Playing Small I used to try so hard to fly under the radar and blend into the background. I played small so I wouldn’t call attention to myself, and I did it in every possible situation… in my relationships, in my work, while socializing. I even…
Read More#262- My Feelings Are Hurt And It’s YOUR Fault
#262- My Feelings Are Hurt And It’s YOUR Fault I talk to a lot of people who point the finger at someone else when their feelings are hurt—it’s always that person’s fault. “I was ignored all weekend,” or “I was clearly upset and my partner didn’t ask me what was wrong.” When hurt or upset,…
Read MoreSurviving to Thriving: Ken Bechtel
Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment Ken Bechtel Welcome back to my video interview series, “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment,” where I interview people about an emotional low point in their life and how they worked through it. In this episode I’m talking with speaker, educator and relationship mentor Ken Bechtel.…
Read More#261- Journey of Attachment: The Weight of Anger and Resentment
#261- Journey of Attachment: The Weight of Anger and Resentment Do you have a resentment account? You know, similar to a savings account where you fill it up with all your angry deposits. Maybe you’ve been adding to it a lot lately—that happens in attached relationships—but I guarantee you’ve been contributing for much longer. It…
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