Posts by Shelley
#237- Journey of Attachment: Taking Emotionally Risky Action
#237- Journey of Attachment: Taking Emotionally Risky Action The people who listen to my podcast are seeking some sort of change in their lives, but most want that change to live in their head. You may believe focusing on others or wanting external change will make a difference, but it doesn’t. Your mind is running…
Read More#236- The Art of Receiving
#236- The Art of Receiving If someone does something nice for you that’s unexpected, does that make you feel uncomfortable? Do you believe it puts you at a disadvantage because you owe them? Receiving is much harder than giving. Many people have a hard time receiving without feeling obligated to reciprocate because giving provides a…
Read More#235- Journey of Attachment: Fantasy Feelings in Unhealthy Relationships
#235- Journey of Attachment: Fantasy Feelings in Unhealthy Relationships Your perfect partner isn’t out there. You have expectations around the type of person you’re looking for, and there are often intense feelings associated with those expectations: highs and lows. You think chemistry is an indicator of what a healthy relationship looks like, but that’s not true.…
Read More#234- Why You Keep Choosing the Wrong Partner
#234- Why You Keep Choosing the Wrong Partner You have a dream or fantasy about what you THINK you want in another person, but because you’ve never experienced it, it’s only an idea—it’s not real. And it’s not necessarily what would serve you. It’s impossible to know what you connect with when all you’ve done is…
Read More#233- Journey of Attachment: You Can’t Change The Other Person
#233- Journey of Attachment: You Can’t Change The Other Person On some level you may think you can make other people change just because you want them to. You think if you change them, you’ll feel better. Well, you can’t and you won’t. Let’s say you have an argument with your partner and they promise…
Read More#232- My Feelings Don’t Matter
#232- My Feelings Don’t Matter We may intellectually know our feelings matter, but emotionally we don’t acknowledge them or even know how we really feel. So what happens? We end up discounting or disowning this HUGE part of us. And we think if we’re able to make someone else ok, we’ll be ok. In other words,…
Read More#231- Journey of Attachment: Pining For Someone Once the Relationship is Over
#231- Journey of Attachment: Pining For Someone Once the Relationship is Over Just because you leave a relationship, doesn’t mean it has left you. Do you ever stew in the aftermath of a relationship long after it’s gone, using it as an excuse not to move forward? Oh yeah, many of us have done that. And…
Read More#230- Resistance keeps you from EVERYTHING you want
#230- Resistance keeps you from EVERYTHING you want Resistance is everywhere, and it’s always in reaction to something. That means it’s not an innate action; it’s learned. And you know what that means? It can be unlearned, but it’s tough when people are resistant to being in resistance! Resistance means you have a problem with…
Read More#229- Journey of Attachment: Fixating on the Negative
#229- Journey of Attachment: Fixating on the Negative When you walk around with resentful feelings toward other people or situations, you create a dark cloud of misery. This pattern of fixating on the negative takes everything to the extreme, spiraling from one negative to another. It goes back to childhood where the negative perspective was…
Read More#228- Selfish Is Not a Four-Letter Word
#228- Selfish Is Not a Four-Letter Word People think “selfish” is a dirty word, so there’s a lot of fear around it. They’ve had it beat into them that being selfish is bad, which leads to people-pleasing. When you succumb to people-pleasing, you’re constantly at the mercy of the rest of the world to validate…
Read More